Tarot

what is it?

The tarot is a pack of playing cards, used from the mid-15th century in various parts of Europe to play, such as Italian Tarocchini, French Tarot and Austrian Königeufen, many which are still played today.

I’ve recently bought my own deck of tarot cards, The Antique Anatomy Tarot. It gives off very victorian era vibes, with its unique picture designs and colours. Each card has its own meaning, by shuffling and pulling out a couple of cards you can give a message (reading). obviously it’s a bit more complicated than that.

Since I know very little about tarot, over the past couple of days Ive put a lot of energy into writing down notes and learning about it. Today I was shuffling the deck, just simply putting my energy into the cards. As I was doing that a card fell out. It was 8 of coins (pentacles) upright. Meaning: ‘you are working hard to improve your skills and become a master at what you do, and now you are applying sheer determination and concentration to master the new skill you are learning.’

I know…

Coincidence or not that singular card fell on my lap (literally). I’ve always wanted to be able to give readings or just connect closer to spirituality. As well I know crystals are also a good step to take, especially since I want to start my journey as a baby witch.

Now at this point you are either reading this thinking ‘wow she’s crazy, what drugs is she on’ or ‘ooo I want to learn more, and joing her journey.’ Simply either interesting or not. But I am starting a new journey, and I’m so excited to share anything I experience.

The Antique Anatomy Tarot, I got off of Esty, by Suzanne.

My question for you is: Are you more religious or spiritual?

Story By Image

Yesterday I asked my boyfriend to pick out a picture out from my search on safari ‘Photo prompt for writing’. The Image shown above was the one he chose so here is what I wrote. I did no drafts or planning I just wrote the first thing that came in mind.

Comfort In The Storm

It is my time. The fog comforts me, hugging me like it knew. I hold myself as the famous Henry Purcell – Dido’s Lament plays in my head. The song takes control as I roll my head to each beat, my neck and shoulders support me.

The air is damp, cold. Today the clouds sit upon the earth, as if they decided that the heavens were down here instead. The trees are veiled in the lightest of mist, their trunks sombre brown with sable cracks that gnarl the bark. As my eye travels to the edge of the woodland the trees become silhouettes against a blanket of white, as if it is only daylight where I stand, as if I am encircled by twilight.

If I lived any place other than right here, I would pine for these evergreen hills, this forest that has become a vital part of my soul. The pine forest has a time-machine aroma, everyday of the year, it is the very ether of my memories. The pine forest is a home to so many souls of creation and I feel so blessed to hear my heart beat among theirs.

I never let myself see my own fear, for it was ever a disadvantage in the place that I was raised. To cry was to be beaten and scoled. If I cried I’d be “given something to cry about.” The act of crying for my own pain was literally beaten out of me. Suppressed completely. Now decades later, it still is, yet channelled into my creativity, a sort of unwitting energy booster. What I cannot suppress though are these shivers that say I am afraid.

In that shiver was a moment of truth, a story of these emotions that no mask could ever hide.

I’ve always loved the thunder storms. I’ve always loved storm-could-grey. To see them swirling one last time in the heavens, brings a kind of inner glee. I reached up, bringing down a handful of that cosmic swirl, if I could make a fabric from it that was ever-changing as the sky above is right now, I’d wear it forever.

As the infinity cloud swirl levitates from my hand over my head, I feel it. The heavens. The clouds were a kind of grey that would make any quarry rock proud, as if they were so pleased beneath my feet, hidden between the grass they echo the earth. All of the grey, all that swirling, my vision became a blur, but I trusted this storm to take me where I need to go. The condensation was bound to happen sooner rather than later.

Comment your thoughts 🙂

Mental Health Part 5

Body Image

I always look at the girl in the mirror. I stare for too long that her face is distorted, her body so large on some parts others looks too small. She looks wrong. I rub my eyes only to look back now noticing every flaw she has. One eye is bigger than the other, her forehead is too big, now it’s too small, her calf muscles are bigger than her thighs. I jump on the scales 62.7kg I take a step back. Surely not, I step back on putting the weight on different parts of ky body sucking in my stomach to see 61.9kg… it’s better but it’s not good enough.

Growing up as a female I have found it so difficult to fit the beauty standards that at this point, I’ve just started to make fun of myself just to cope. One moment to look beautiful I need to have curves a big butt, big boobs, and tiny waist and legs. That night it could all change. Now i need to be flat chested, long legs, flat stomach. How am I supposed to love myself, when I’m constantly being watched my not only the media but everyone around me? How am I supposed to look at myself thinking “I am enough.”

It wasn’t until my younger teenage years that I started to look at myself differently. That in order to have friends, to have boys to like you back was to be pretty, was to be what everyone else wants you to be. I was made fun of, touched, and horribly describes all because of my looks. My body.

It hasn’t been till recently where I have felt comfortable within myself, not pressured by the peers at school, not to dress and look a certain way around family. I can finally breath. But All of that truma will forever sick with me, I will always have bad days some worse than others, I will always have the running voices in my head.

I will always seem narcissistic only because I am constantly looking at myself. To see if that distorted girl is looking back. To see if I can finally see who I am without the smudges and blurs. I still don’t know what I look like and maybe I’ll never find out.

I found the image on Pinterest I forgot who by.

My question to you is:

What is your favourite place to shop at? (can be in person or online)

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Email: emma@simplymessymind.com

Mental Health Part 4

Eating Disorder

It’s terrifying, not only to look at, but to be trapped by it.

Living with my dad I never really had nutritious foods, or anything that’ll keep a child interested in having food. Being in a blended family is hard enough. What’s even worse is boundaries with food.

Growing up my brother and I had a rule that school snacks should only last us a week and if we ate everything before the next shop we wouldn’t have any food.

Solid rule if I don’t say so myself. But having another family not following that rule getting food handed to them left right and center and only them, it was unfair.

My dad was not a cook and he never made the effort to, so our week of dinner foods were:

  • Monday- Ravioli
  • Tuesday- Tacos
  • Wednesday- Spaghetti Bolognese
  • Thursday- Take away night
  • Friday- Burgers
  • Saturday- Fried rice
  • Sunday- Sausages

over 4 years having these means every week I stopped eating dinner. I was never a breakfast person, in fact I’m still not. eventually all the school snacks were eaten in the house (not like we got anything good). So eventually I stopped eating not because I wanted to my body refused to have the same foods over and over again.

The only thing I was eating were watermelon flavoured chewing gum, and anything I could get off friends at school. I hated eating at school, my anxiety was so bad I would refuse to eat.

This was when i was 12-15. I chose to stay at my dads permanently but I couldn’t deal with being like this. I was sick everyday, so brittle, so fragile, I was sick every morning I couldn’t stomach anything down. So I decided to see my mum every second weekend.

This all came to an end when my dad kicked me out of home and I started living with my mum.

Another thing was body issues, I hated eating when I lived at my mums. There is one thing I’ll never forget that my mum once said to me. I tried on my dress for my year 12 ball dance we call a social, I already hated the dress but I walked out of my room, and showed my mum and she said “you might need to lose a little bit of weight around your stomach.” I kept my cool until i shut my door behind me in my room.

I didn’t want to eat anything and when I did I over ate. I was made fun of when I did exercise, I found it difficult because of my abnormal heart beat which effected my breathing and over all fitness. No one understood and it’s a family inside “joke” that I hate sports. I actually would love to get back into doing sports but I can’t I end up not breathing.

I still struggle till this day with eating. At times I will wake up in the evening and sleep all day just so I can skip meals. I have gotten a lot better than where I was 6 years ago.

Photo was found on Pinterest by flickr.com

My question for you is: “what is your favourite food/meal?”

Shifting

Ok hear me out… SHIFTING!

When you think about it, how mind blowing it is to be in a dream like sate but living in a different reality.

For those who don’t know what Shifting is, let me give you a run down.

So shifting (aka reality shifting) is shifting your consciousness from your current reality (CR) to another reality, typically your desired reality (DR).

This includes lots of practice and patience, as all of your senses including your 5 main ones will be activated in your DR.

Now reading that some of you will think I’m crazy or I’m into some spiritual stuff. Well your not wrong but there’s also a 29 paged document by the United States of America, Department of the Army, proving that shifting realities is real. I have not personally read the document only because I can’t read well but for the logical thinkers out there, that need evidence about it, just search up government document on reality shifting and hopefully you will believe (if not then that’s alright just don’t put others down or make them feel like they shouldn’t be listened to).

I came across desired reality shifting on Tiktok one day, and to be honest I thought it was bullshit too. Until I finally gave in. I saw people talk about what it was like at Hogwarts, Narnia even with the Avengers. They made tiktoks about their conversations and interactions with all the different people. I couldn’t resist. I had to at least try.

With shifting there’s all sorts of methods to use. From a simple meditation to completely relax your body and mind to going to sleep with imagery and the sensation that you are there.

The most common one everyone talks about is the raven method. This method you count to or down from 100 and while you do that you say your affirmations.

Affirmations are basically your motivators. You say these things to yourself, for example:

  1. I am successfully shifting
  2. I have the ability to shift
  3. I give my consciousness permission to shift successfully
  4. I can shift

That’s a very small example but as you repeat these (not I should be shifting, I CAN/AM SHIFT/ING) you will somewhat trick your consciousness into thinking that you have done it before, or it is possible (which it is).

Personally I do my own method, I got a bit from the Julia method. I lay on my back for about 5 minutes as I just let my mind wonder, crack all my knuckles and feel relaxed. After the 5 minutes I have to resist any itchiness, I go over my body starting from my toes telling myself “are my toes relaxed,” when I feel they are I move onto my feet asking the same question. I go all the way up my body right to my forehead and I lay there for another 1-2 minutes. At this point I try and focus my mind and not let it wonder and if it does I slowly change it to where I want to shift to or acknowledge the thought and let it pass. I then proceed to the affirmations, (I say them slowly).

With this, my own method I have felt symptoms.

When I say symptoms I mean twitching, itchiness, a floating or hovering sensation, room spinning or feeling like I am falling. The closest I have gotten was I was floating up and a same likeness feeling of fainting, while my eyes were closed I felt a fuzziness close in and I could see a face only across the eyes so clear. But I suddenly realise what was happening and I stared to have a panic attack so I had to stop.

Shifting can take up from weeks to months, unless you’re lucky and get it on the first couple of tries.

I’ve only been trying for a couple of months now but I have been so close it’s exciting I want to try every night (NOTE: don’t try every night you will only exhaust yourself even more making you less likely to achieve your shifting).

When I do shift best believe you will hear from me the moment I come back to my CR.

Image was found on Pinterest by DeviantArt

My question for you is: have you heard of shifting if so where would you like to shift?

Being Sick 😷

This could be taken one of two ways, being physically sick with a cold or the flu. Or being mentally sick.

What if i told you this whole week I have had both.

I haven’t left my bed for 4 days. Now for those who don’t know me, I don’t leave my bed normally… like at all. I love to lay down on my phone, and I’m quite happy doing so.

But I have come down with a sinus infection and the flu. I am surrounded by my own infectious disease. Yesterday I cleaned all of it up I washed my water bottle I have been drinking from I had a shower! It wasn’t enough. Today, I feel worse. There’s more tissues, my room is back to being a mess and I have no energy to do anything.

That’s just my physical illness that I’ve had to delt with this week. Let me tell you how my mental illness is going.

I haven’t taken my antidepressant in a while. I just forgot. That’s it, I have so many things going on in my mind, that I just forgot to take them one day. Which lead to two days, which lead to three weeks, which lead to a month. Now the first week I forgot to take them I felt ok, in fact I was absolutely fine.

I was still going out, I wanted to have fun. Until a couple of memories I suppressed appeared. I am trying almost to hard to drown them out, making me realise it’s getting bad again.

As well, my mum had her wedding on the weekend, and I drunk my heart out because why not it’s a wedding.

I went back yesterday to pick up some of my stuff I left at my mums house and she told me “I should watch my drinking,” now this may mean nothing but I got really down by this comment, and it’s not the first time I’ve felt this way.

People always encourage me to have fun, to go out and live life. So when I do, it’s always the next day or the day after, someone will say ‘keep an eye on yourself’ or ‘I can’t believe you did this thing’. To me it honestly feels like I can have fun without someone judging me.

Yet I’m trying so hard to put myself out there to have fun. Of course I am aware of the dangers, I am a highly paranoid person (which is a huge reason why I don’t go out).

So this week has been hard on me with nothing to do but think and lay in bed. Nothing but blowing my nose and relive memories.

My question for you is, How often do you get physically sick?

New Change

So I’ve started my new babysitting job! The child is a beautiful 1 year old boy who loves the outdoors.

That’s new, a child who loves to be outside … with nature. I’m used to sitting inside while the children go on the ipads or watch television, but this is new.

I am not mad about it, like hey I need to be outside more often and going to this new job makes me go outside getting roughly 8 hours of sun 3 days a week. If that isn’t improvement for my health I don’t know what is.

I am someone who loves to lay in bed all day doing nothing, just sitting on my phone. I only go outside if i need to take my rubbish out. I always sleep in till 12 or 1 in the afternoon.

Where as this new change has gotten me out of bed at 8:30am till 5:00pm and as soon as I start I’m outside with the child as we play within the grass on our soles giving a gentle tickle as each giving wand forms a cushion of green. The slight touch of monarch butterflies wings itch upon the subtle leaves on the bush. As We play outside I throw the child up to the sun as it’s warm arms reach out giving a warm hug.

I can’t wait for more to happen as this has already gone off on a good start!

the image is from pinterest, that is also from tumblr (I couldn’t find a name)

My question for you is what’s something new that’s happened to you in the past 4 months?

Hair 💇🏼‍♀️

The best feeling is getting your hair done! prove me wrong.

From the wash that you don’t need to do for another 3-4 days, the head massage that you get when they deep condition your hair. To the finish product where you are a new person!

As a male, I presume it would be different. Sort of like a life or death situation you have to look like for at least 2 weeks. Not knowing the end product, I don’t blame you for being nervous or scared to get your hair done.

I got my hair lighter at the bottom, and got the roots of my hair darkened. I’m going for a black to grey/white ombré, and I’ve been wanting to do it for a good couple of years now, and it’s finally happening.

I love the process, but just someone even playing with my hair doing something with it just makes me melt. The feeling is like being so relaxed you feel like you are floating as everything around you goes by so fast. Although it’s never fun paying for it. The end results are worth it though.

Picture was from pinterest by Marianne Taylor

My question today is what hair colour would you love to dye your hair?

Music is there when no one is 🎶

“There are times it feels as if the music is teaching my brain how to flow, how to be so peaceful. It’s as if the slowly changing tone touches different parts, a sort of auditory massage for my mind. It is an invitation for slowness and to feel the presence of myself, the ever patient version of me who waits to be spoken to, and is content to do so. There are times light, wind and nature do the same, yet differently, each in their own way.” – Angela Abraham

With friends or not music always fills in that empty hole no matter where you are. Personally my favourite moments with music is when you’re in a good mood and the volume is at the max and you are just bopping and vibing as the base replaces your pulse.

Music brings the best out of people, seeing how happy they can be bouncing around having fun, but that can quickly change. Music can speak when you can’t, especially when you’re upset, being weighted down by the force of gravity, chained to your bed. The only comfort you have is the voice of pain being heard through the melody, as if death is sitting next to you comforting with the harsh words of the truth.

Like movies, music has many contrasting genres to suit the different ears. From Rock to Country, from Baroque to Romantic. My favourite would either be rock or soft songs.

Comment down below what your favourite song is or favourite genre of music

The Castles Unspoken Secrets 🏰

I have been on and off writing a story off of a dream I had, and since I have nothing interesting for yoy today, let me give you an insight about the year of the year 1997.

Parents gone, and Aunty isn’t able to keep young Ivory Shaw in London. An emotional journey, starting at new school, making new friends, a possible love interest, with lots of parties to go around and secrets to share. Ivory ends up at a Echo Boarding School where she is yet to find out more about the castle and people. From relations to mythical creatures Ivory learns that there is more unspoken secrets imprinted deep within the castle.

We arrive at the dinning hall, although it isn’t one anymore. The door frame hidden behind layers of golden fabrics of sheer and silk, drooping like a curtain. The marble floor polished so fine you could mistake it for a mirror, as your own reflection stares back. Chairs and tables decorated with white cloth, a centre piece of a golden plate with slight flower indents carved on the edges, a small cup vase sitting on top holding flowers, I’m not sure of what sort but the colours burst of white, pink, soft oranges and red. Heavy fabric hung half way up on the wall to the middle of the roof with a giant chandelier giving the room a mellow glow on the roof.

This whole room looks feels like a fairy tale, all the girls dressed in their best dresses, hair done up to complement the makeup that sat on their delicate faces. The boys in their finest tuxedos or formal uniform. The only thing that’s missing is a prince charming for me.

During the night we all dance to a waltz. Sam, Dawn, Ash and I are having fun as us girls being passed on from boy to boy all in a circle, not knowing who we have next. The music suddenly slows down everything around me followed the slowness almost like everything had stopped in that one moment. My face dropped my heart starting its greatest race as all my senses go stiff to the realisation of who I am standing in front of.

Archer.

A wave of anger and nervousness struck upon me. We stand right in front of each other. Both maintaining angry, cold eye contact. Everyone around us stops, turning their heads as we capture their full attention. whispers flying through the air of who they expect to walk away, we ignore due to the pure hatred we have for each other. All because I am someone who doesn’t belong here. We are both to stubborn to walk away from each other. So Archer takes my hand, the other around my waist, my left hand on his shoulder the right locked onto his unable to let go. We keep the hard cold eye contact as the music and movement speeds up and we danced gracefully. No one would ever thought Archer Lupo would be dancing with someone like me Ivory Shaw.

Our faces closer than ever, our breath combines as one. Our palms touching surely he could feel my pulse, and nervous sweat at this point. I stare into his gleaming gold-coloured eyes getting lost in the thought of falling for his light delicate touch. I wonder what he thinks at this point in time. Pulling me so close our bodies could touch but the inch of material separate us. Is he doing this on purpose? does he know that he has the power to make me feel so vulnerable, I have never in my life wanted to beg for someone to kiss me.