An anxiety disorder characterized by uncontrollable, unwanted thoughts and ritualized, repetitive behaviours you feel compelled to perform.
Mine was worse when I needed to get ready for school in the morning. I had a specific routine, and if I for some reason did it out of order or I started it too late, well lets just say the manipulative thoughts would be scary.
- Wake up at 7:30am
- look through phone for 5-10 minutes (answer messages)
- do makeup
- do hair
- get changed
Now this may look like a small routine but if it wasn’t done properly so many thoughts would attack me, “do you really want everyone to die?, now that you didn’t do it you will slip over today killing yourself.” Like I said they were awful.
There was curb I would walk over every morning at school, if my right foot didn’t go over it properly or if my breathing was slightly off, my mind get ‘offended’ attacking me once again.
Yes I do have perfectionism as well, an overwhelming fear of making mistakes. An intense need for things to be “perfect” or “done right” may or may not be accompanied by a fear that harm will come to oneself or others if things are not done perfectly.
This one I’ve had since I was little, I had to clean my room because I’m the only one who knows where everything goes and if someone else cleans it I have an anxiety attack. My books have to be sorted in height order, regular pend and coloured ones have to be in separate draws. Just to name a few.
Some people think OCD is just perfectionism, everything needs to be in order and in perfect placement … Sadly that’s not the case, what they don’t know is the daily agony we suffer, basically self torture and it’s not a once a week occurrence.
Photo is from Pinterest by Guddi
My question for you today is have you experienced OCD?