Dot Journal

I love doing these, the whole art, keeping track of everything and writing!

Dot journaling gets my creative flows going, I get all my inspiration from pinterest (as always).

Pinterest is one of those apps where you can put some music on and spend hours just scrolling and gain the influence to start that project, whether it be big such as renovating that one part of the house or small such as crafting a diy project.

This is how I lay my journal out

I always start my journal with a cover page (illustrating each month). I guess it’s pretty self explanatory why, so you know where you’re at in the year

I then draw out a calander (some times I write it on the cover page as well) .

I then like to keep a money tracker only because I’m terrible at saving money so I need to track how well I’m doing (then I spend a “little” to treat myself).

On the next couple of pages I keep track of my sleep, how much I exercise and how much water I drink. Only because I want to see my sleep patterns (since it’s all over the place at the moment), I don’t normally exercise because of breathing problems but I am trying to improve myself, I never drink water so keeping track of it gives me a visualisation of how much I’m drinking.

Another thing that’s good to keep track of is your moods. If you’re similar to me I mood can go from 100-0 within a day so it’s nice to give an overall thought about how good/bad your day actually was. Even an anxiety tracker would be beneficial.

After that you’re free to do anything, like step by step drawings

Maybe plan out your ideal daily routine

what about a dream log for the week? (even a month if you really want to if you’re like me and have dreams that you remeber every night).

Or even a self care page!

There’s so much to write/draw about endless opportunities to get those thoughts out of you’re head in a creative, more straightforward and pretty to cast out the messy darkness of it all.

I don’t know about you but this really helps me a lot, and I tend to find the days I don’t journal are the bad days. I strive iff perfectionism so if I do a simple mistake I can’t just use white out, or even rip the page out because then it rips half the pages out so instead I have to buy a new journal. I know it sounds bad, and I can see it’s bad because i have currently 5 half used journals all because I messed up one page.

In saying that it does release a lot of mmm anxiety, some people read, others meditate, I prefer to relax in a creative way.

Found the image on pinterest which lead to https://leithandgray.co.uk/products/a6-tan-journal website as they actually sell the product (this is not sponsored I just wanted the picture)

Question of the day is: What activities do you do to relax?

Mental Health Part 7

Suicidal thoughts and Tendencies

⚠️ Warning (by the title I hope to assume you know what this post is going to be about)

I’ve been struggling from this mental disorder since I was 12, around about the time when my depression was starting to impact my daily life.

It’s a horrible thing to experience both mentally and physically. I, myself tend to pick at my skin on my hands mainly between my thumb and pointer finger. At first I do it to soothe myself when I’m feeling anxious, but then I continue to do it without noticing making my hand go red and sore at times make it bleed. My main struggle is not eating, I purposely sleep all day right up to 3pm just so I don’t eat as a form of self harm, this also leads to my eating disorder.

I’m actually quite good when it comes to self harming, I’m thankful that I can snap out of it quickly and not act upon it (unless it’s do to with eating I haven’t improved nor had it worsened).

However, I’m always haunted by the thoughts. See I’m the type of person to know that it’s a bad thing but I’m in so much pain I’d much rather leave. So as those throughts race around in a constant circle another tab of thoughts are open and on repeat it tells me how worthless I am, how if I died it wouldn’t be such a big dead. At the same time I have really graphic images and scenes about how I could end it all or the lead up to it. While all of that is going on I end up having server panic attacks.

Now you’re probably thinking, ‘why doesn’t she just talk to someone about it?’

Well I did

Once…

I hate going to counselling or therapy because I just end up lying and not telling them how bad I actually am. I couldn’t talk to my dad about it because he doesn’t believe in meantal health, and I couldn’t talk to my mum because then she’ll start blaming herself. I do talk to my friends about it but I don’t want them to worry about me so I just tell them half the story. It’s so hard to talk about when you don’t even know the real trigger, it’s so sudden it attacks when you least expect it even if you are cautious. As soon as you let your guard down best believe it’s first in line to attack.

Worst part of it all is that I feel so guilty just even thinking about it, or doing things just to purely hurt myself. I cannot hide it, I cannot stop it, I can’t even get rid of it. I can get help for it, I can suppress it but it’ll never fully go away. I know I’m not alone, but I will always feel alone.

Image was found on Pinterest

Question of the day: what is you’re favourite type of flower?

I have survived

I don’t know about you but it certainly has been a crazy week for me.

my surgery went well and I have been diagnosed with endometriosis, which pains me so much. Now i have answers and instead of putting everything on hold not knowing why i’m in a great deal of pain I can now be treated.

Although during the week not even 48 hours after my surgery I ended back up in hospital at 11pm I did a pee test and the doctors ran a blood test, everything seemed normal but the urine test came back and said I had an infection …

Like, what!

I was prescribed some medication and went home at 3am only to go back for an ultrasound at 11:30am, it was a lot but I did it. I continued crying in pain for several days. Turns out I just needed to move my bowels haha. After I did so I felt like a new woman, I could move and not walk around looking like I was a pregnant lady. But hey if I didn’t go back up to the hospital they wouldn’t have found the infection.

Another update I have a new job!!

I am a cleaning lady at a lodge. Now you’re probably thinking ‘cleaning lady? how low in life are you in to be a cleaning lady?’ well actually after being in retail my whole working life I did a training day before my surgery and I loved it, the people there are super friendly, I’m not forced to interact or to talk to anyone. It is quite an independent job you just get there and do what you need to do! (surprisingly it pays really well too).

As for my art it is now due in 10 days and I’m no where close to finishing nor do I have everything I need to finish it. I still need A2 black paper and a frame. I keep panicking about this project making me procrastinate. Hopefully I’ll be close to finishing by the end of the week!

I’m back now! So if you’d like to chat follow and message my instagram @simplymessymind or email me at emma@simplymessymind.com

Question of the day is: do you prefer to be outside or inside and why?

I got the picture off of Pinterest, from the website http://www.fosterthefamilyblog.com/foster-the-family-blog-1/this-day-was-the-worst

My life right now

Hey all

Sorry that I have been so absent lately there has been a couple things going on that I’m really stressed about and been busy doing, so let me fill you in on what’s been happening.

First up I have entered in the art competition in my town which I have been procrastinating/working so hard on. To give you a general idea it’s on A3 piece of white paper and I have drawn a person with a shocked expression on their face and behind them is a brain that’s zoomed up on showing different types of mental disorders. I originally did this in my year 11 art class and I was so proud of my work I thought I would try it again but gain recognition for it. I haven’t entered the grand prize, if you win you receive 20k and other prizes are $1000 I’m selling my work for $250 (from memory).

I’m very excited for this, the due date is next month so I will keep you updated on how I go.

Next thing is friends, recently I have found these two girls who are awsome and have my whole heart. We go on car rides screaming out sad songs, vibe, and get so many frozen cokes. Our friendship is only new but us three get along so well our personalities just fit together like a puzzle piece (so cliche i know) but that’s how I feel. For a while now I been trying so hard to make friends try and hang out with them but nothing really happened. One of these girls start to message me and not even a week later I meet her other friend and now we all talk every night. Nothing was forced, we laugh all the time (besides when we’re sad) and it’s just what I’ve been needing.

⚠️warning next paragraph I talk about periods and blood.

Lastly I have surgery next week monday and I am so scared. For 4 years now I’ve been having such trouble with my period. At first it was irregular not that painful but it was ok. 6 months go by and I start to have the really bad period cramps, my mum explained to me how she used to be like that too so I thought it was normal. I go to the doctors and got the contraceptive pill to help my pain but no matter which type I took I had terrible reactions. I have hives all up my arms, rashes around my chest, and a bit of both around my neck. So I stopped taking them.

But it only got worse.

After school I had choir or other activities so I would have to wait out front to get picked up, most of the time I could barely stand, my body was so weak I was constantly faint and nauseated at times I had to stay I home all I could do was scream in pain. The only thing is that the pain wasn’t the problem, it was also the amount of blood that was passing. A normal period last about 7-10 days right? well mine would last up to 5-9 weeks straight then I would have about a 3 day-1 week of nothing, but then I’ll start bleeding again. I couldn’t take it I had been to the doctors but they said nothing was wrong but I knew something was so I kept going back. They said it was an anaemic thing (a condition in which there is a deficiency of red cells or of haemoglobin in the blood, resulting in pallor and weariness).

I started taking iron supplements which worked well for my coldsores but that’s not what it was meant for. I ended up going to the hospital to get the rod implant in my arm which is another contraceptive but that didn’t work either. The doctors then told me I have a high chance of having endometriosis (A disorder in which tissue that normally lines the uterus grows outside the uterus.With endometriosis, the tissue can be found on the ovaries, fallopian tubes or the intestines). I’ve heard about this before but I would never think I could possibly have this.

I’ve been up all night thinking, crying, tossing and turning.

‘I want to have my own children… but what if that’s not possible now?’

‘Will my boyfriend now leave me because I may not be able to produce children?’

‘How long do I have to suffer from this pain for?’

‘What if nothing is wrong with me and I just waisted everyone’s time with my pain?’

There’s so many more things I over think about but these are my main 4. I can’t stop it my anxiety has been let lose I haven’t been able to sleep and when I do I don’t remeber actually falling asleep, I pass out from exhaustion, my face littered in coldsores I can’t contain the spreading. 5 days left I don’t know how much longer I can be like this, I have so many questions that need answering, my patience is no longer with me I need to know what I have to deal with now.

Again I’m so sorry for being inactive, once my surgery is done I’ll try my best to come back and have a routine. As always I’ll keep you updated on everything.

Image is from Pinterest, the website is https://goldgirlsdiary.wordpress.com/2020/08/30/fotos-naturales-que-te-tendrian-que-hacer-sin-avisar/amp/

Hope you’re all having a wonderful day where ever you are.

Stay safe x