Why I love art

Art is one of those things you can do whenever, where ever with what ever materials.

My art is drawing, I may not be able to sketch something without help but I know my shading brings it to life and that’s what excites me.

You know those Tumblr girl drawings?

Like this!

Well I would sketch it from a computer or Ipad and create it into this.

Of course it’s not perfect, but this is what I enjoy doing.

Some people say its “not art” only because I outlined the original. I say art will always be art, copied and traced or not so long as you’re happy with what you have created is all that matters.

Here are some more examples of what I’ve done.

I am currently working on right now
I did this a couple of years ago
I did this last year (it’s my bf :))

The first photo of the drawing I showed is right in front of me and gave me the idea to write about it. So that’s why it’s half done haha.

If you have been following me or have read a couple of my posts, you will know I have entered an art competition. As I was putting the artwork that I spent weeks on together the paper had gotten stuck on poster paper. I couldn’t be bothered re-cutting the paper so I tried to rip it off … well, well, well was that a terrible idea. The artwork ripped in three places so i had to quickly think of a solution.

My artwork was a huge brain full of mental health disorders as monsters behind a teenagers head. So I added in depth and not so much of texture (because i had 15 mins to hand it in). I then shoved it into the art frame… WHICH WAS TOO SMALL FOR MY ART.

At this point I had 10 mins before they closed the entry so I stuffed it and nearly ran to where the drop off is and made it in time.

Even though I handed it in, I honestly felt really disappointed I knew I could’ve done better but I will continue to manifest that first place prize.

I found the image on Pinterest

Question of the day: What is you’re favourite form of art?

I have survived

I don’t know about you but it certainly has been a crazy week for me.

my surgery went well and I have been diagnosed with endometriosis, which pains me so much. Now i have answers and instead of putting everything on hold not knowing why i’m in a great deal of pain I can now be treated.

Although during the week not even 48 hours after my surgery I ended back up in hospital at 11pm I did a pee test and the doctors ran a blood test, everything seemed normal but the urine test came back and said I had an infection …

Like, what!

I was prescribed some medication and went home at 3am only to go back for an ultrasound at 11:30am, it was a lot but I did it. I continued crying in pain for several days. Turns out I just needed to move my bowels haha. After I did so I felt like a new woman, I could move and not walk around looking like I was a pregnant lady. But hey if I didn’t go back up to the hospital they wouldn’t have found the infection.

Another update I have a new job!!

I am a cleaning lady at a lodge. Now you’re probably thinking ‘cleaning lady? how low in life are you in to be a cleaning lady?’ well actually after being in retail my whole working life I did a training day before my surgery and I loved it, the people there are super friendly, I’m not forced to interact or to talk to anyone. It is quite an independent job you just get there and do what you need to do! (surprisingly it pays really well too).

As for my art it is now due in 10 days and I’m no where close to finishing nor do I have everything I need to finish it. I still need A2 black paper and a frame. I keep panicking about this project making me procrastinate. Hopefully I’ll be close to finishing by the end of the week!

I’m back now! So if you’d like to chat follow and message my instagram @simplymessymind or email me at emma@simplymessymind.com

Question of the day is: do you prefer to be outside or inside and why?

I got the picture off of Pinterest, from the website http://www.fosterthefamilyblog.com/foster-the-family-blog-1/this-day-was-the-worst

My life right now

Hey all

Sorry that I have been so absent lately there has been a couple things going on that I’m really stressed about and been busy doing, so let me fill you in on what’s been happening.

First up I have entered in the art competition in my town which I have been procrastinating/working so hard on. To give you a general idea it’s on A3 piece of white paper and I have drawn a person with a shocked expression on their face and behind them is a brain that’s zoomed up on showing different types of mental disorders. I originally did this in my year 11 art class and I was so proud of my work I thought I would try it again but gain recognition for it. I haven’t entered the grand prize, if you win you receive 20k and other prizes are $1000 I’m selling my work for $250 (from memory).

I’m very excited for this, the due date is next month so I will keep you updated on how I go.

Next thing is friends, recently I have found these two girls who are awsome and have my whole heart. We go on car rides screaming out sad songs, vibe, and get so many frozen cokes. Our friendship is only new but us three get along so well our personalities just fit together like a puzzle piece (so cliche i know) but that’s how I feel. For a while now I been trying so hard to make friends try and hang out with them but nothing really happened. One of these girls start to message me and not even a week later I meet her other friend and now we all talk every night. Nothing was forced, we laugh all the time (besides when we’re sad) and it’s just what I’ve been needing.

⚠️warning next paragraph I talk about periods and blood.

Lastly I have surgery next week monday and I am so scared. For 4 years now I’ve been having such trouble with my period. At first it was irregular not that painful but it was ok. 6 months go by and I start to have the really bad period cramps, my mum explained to me how she used to be like that too so I thought it was normal. I go to the doctors and got the contraceptive pill to help my pain but no matter which type I took I had terrible reactions. I have hives all up my arms, rashes around my chest, and a bit of both around my neck. So I stopped taking them.

But it only got worse.

After school I had choir or other activities so I would have to wait out front to get picked up, most of the time I could barely stand, my body was so weak I was constantly faint and nauseated at times I had to stay I home all I could do was scream in pain. The only thing is that the pain wasn’t the problem, it was also the amount of blood that was passing. A normal period last about 7-10 days right? well mine would last up to 5-9 weeks straight then I would have about a 3 day-1 week of nothing, but then I’ll start bleeding again. I couldn’t take it I had been to the doctors but they said nothing was wrong but I knew something was so I kept going back. They said it was an anaemic thing (a condition in which there is a deficiency of red cells or of haemoglobin in the blood, resulting in pallor and weariness).

I started taking iron supplements which worked well for my coldsores but that’s not what it was meant for. I ended up going to the hospital to get the rod implant in my arm which is another contraceptive but that didn’t work either. The doctors then told me I have a high chance of having endometriosis (A disorder in which tissue that normally lines the uterus grows outside the uterus.With endometriosis, the tissue can be found on the ovaries, fallopian tubes or the intestines). I’ve heard about this before but I would never think I could possibly have this.

I’ve been up all night thinking, crying, tossing and turning.

‘I want to have my own children… but what if that’s not possible now?’

‘Will my boyfriend now leave me because I may not be able to produce children?’

‘How long do I have to suffer from this pain for?’

‘What if nothing is wrong with me and I just waisted everyone’s time with my pain?’

There’s so many more things I over think about but these are my main 4. I can’t stop it my anxiety has been let lose I haven’t been able to sleep and when I do I don’t remeber actually falling asleep, I pass out from exhaustion, my face littered in coldsores I can’t contain the spreading. 5 days left I don’t know how much longer I can be like this, I have so many questions that need answering, my patience is no longer with me I need to know what I have to deal with now.

Again I’m so sorry for being inactive, once my surgery is done I’ll try my best to come back and have a routine. As always I’ll keep you updated on everything.

Image is from Pinterest, the website is https://goldgirlsdiary.wordpress.com/2020/08/30/fotos-naturales-que-te-tendrian-que-hacer-sin-avisar/amp/

Hope you’re all having a wonderful day where ever you are.

Stay safe x

Wattpad

Hey all,

I’ve decided to post my full story on wattpad, thank you for the two people who convinced me too they know who they are 😉.

So if you’re interested I will be posting weekly! starting from next week. I haven’t chosen which day since I may be getting a Job soon my routine will be based around my schedule.

Follow @SimplyMessyMind or my story is called ‘The Castles Unspoken Secrets’

If you don’t know what it is about I would recommend finding my two other posts, they are simplified versions of what’s in the chapters. Otherwise here’s the blurb.

From supernatural to love this story follows a girl named Ivory Shaw, who has lost her parents and can no longer stay with her aunty. Arriving at her new boarding school, with new friends and a potential love interest, Ivory won’t be able to tell what is real anymore.

Thank you!!!

if you have any questions follow my socials or email me

Snapchat: amazingemma48

Instagram: simplymessymind

email: emma@simplymessymind.com

Story By Image

Yesterday I asked my boyfriend to pick out a picture out from my search on safari ‘Photo prompt for writing’. The Image shown above was the one he chose so here is what I wrote. I did no drafts or planning I just wrote the first thing that came in mind.

Comfort In The Storm

It is my time. The fog comforts me, hugging me like it knew. I hold myself as the famous Henry Purcell – Dido’s Lament plays in my head. The song takes control as I roll my head to each beat, my neck and shoulders support me.

The air is damp, cold. Today the clouds sit upon the earth, as if they decided that the heavens were down here instead. The trees are veiled in the lightest of mist, their trunks sombre brown with sable cracks that gnarl the bark. As my eye travels to the edge of the woodland the trees become silhouettes against a blanket of white, as if it is only daylight where I stand, as if I am encircled by twilight.

If I lived any place other than right here, I would pine for these evergreen hills, this forest that has become a vital part of my soul. The pine forest has a time-machine aroma, everyday of the year, it is the very ether of my memories. The pine forest is a home to so many souls of creation and I feel so blessed to hear my heart beat among theirs.

I never let myself see my own fear, for it was ever a disadvantage in the place that I was raised. To cry was to be beaten and scoled. If I cried I’d be “given something to cry about.” The act of crying for my own pain was literally beaten out of me. Suppressed completely. Now decades later, it still is, yet channelled into my creativity, a sort of unwitting energy booster. What I cannot suppress though are these shivers that say I am afraid.

In that shiver was a moment of truth, a story of these emotions that no mask could ever hide.

I’ve always loved the thunder storms. I’ve always loved storm-could-grey. To see them swirling one last time in the heavens, brings a kind of inner glee. I reached up, bringing down a handful of that cosmic swirl, if I could make a fabric from it that was ever-changing as the sky above is right now, I’d wear it forever.

As the infinity cloud swirl levitates from my hand over my head, I feel it. The heavens. The clouds were a kind of grey that would make any quarry rock proud, as if they were so pleased beneath my feet, hidden between the grass they echo the earth. All of the grey, all that swirling, my vision became a blur, but I trusted this storm to take me where I need to go. The condensation was bound to happen sooner rather than later.

Comment your thoughts 🙂

Mental Health Part 3

OCD

An anxiety disorder characterized by uncontrollable, unwanted thoughts and ritualized, repetitive behaviours you feel compelled to perform.

Mine was worse when I needed to get ready for school in the morning. I had a specific routine, and if I for some reason did it out of order or I started it too late, well lets just say the manipulative thoughts would be scary.

My routine:

  • Wake up at 7:30am
  • look through phone for 5-10 minutes (answer messages)
  • do makeup
  • do hair
  • get changed

Now this may look like a small routine but if it wasn’t done properly so many thoughts would attack me, “do you really want everyone to die?, now that you didn’t do it you will slip over today killing yourself.” Like I said they were awful.

There was curb I would walk over every morning at school, if my right foot didn’t go over it properly or if my breathing was slightly off, my mind get ‘offended’ attacking me once again.

Yes I do have perfectionism as well, an overwhelming fear of making mistakes. An intense need for things to be “perfect” or “done right” may or may not be accompanied by a fear that harm will come to oneself or others if things are not done perfectly.

This one I’ve had since I was little, I had to clean my room because I’m the only one who knows where everything goes and if someone else cleans it I have an anxiety attack. My books have to be sorted in height order, regular pend and coloured ones have to be in separate draws. Just to name a few.

Some people think OCD is just perfectionism, everything needs to be in order and in perfect placement … Sadly that’s not the case, what they don’t know is the daily agony we suffer, basically self torture and it’s not a once a week occurrence.

Photo is from Pinterest by Guddi

My question for you today is have you experienced OCD?

Mental Health Part 2

Depression

You’ve heard the saying of everything being suffocating, being weighted down chained to the bed. Yes that is correct. But everyone deals with it differently.

I was diagnosed at the age of 13. I loved singing, drawing, going to school just normal hobbies. I can’t quite put a finger on what triggered my depression to start but it’s definitely passed down genetically. All of a sudden I stopped doing everything, the only thing I found enjoyment in was sleeping, pretending like I don’t exist.

The fake smile and happiness was exhausting but the most draining part was actually existing.

Having to wake up, lifting my weighted eyelids only to see the intense sunlight was torture. Having my brain to rewire as if I was a robot, learning how to move. Laying in bed on my side I was safe I was curled into a ball like an armadillo my shell being my blanket. Knowing what’s to happen, and how much energy I has to consist in order to be socially acceptable hurt my brain. What actually happened most was, I would over think every possible scenario that can happen in order to absolutely scare myself that I would throw up in fear and anxiety. That would be my excuse to stay at home. An excuse that would happen every morning before school.

My anxiety and depression are best friends like Kevin Heart and The Rock. My anxiety so small but it would laugh at me with its self deprecating jokes. MY depression so big and strong it weighs me down. Put both of them I’m a laughing stock to myself.

It didn’t help that my dad didn’t believe mental health exists and yet when he stayed at home he’d tell me that “he’s having a mental health day,” … yes I wish I was joking. I was so afraid to coming out of my room I became so sick very quickly.

When ever I was at my mum’s house I would make depressive jokes, even suicidal ones. She would tag along saying “oh stop it and get up,” I would laugh it off but inside I questioned wow would anyone even care if I just left?

At school I laughed a little less everyday but enough to make everyone not worry about me.

I’m not a selfish person at all I couldn’t care less what is happening to me so long as everyone else is having fun and is ok.

Which is a dangerous thing but I know how it feels to have no one when you’re about to leave everything.

I still struggle to this day keeping myself alive and existing. I only shower once a week but that’s if its a good week. I could easily go weeks without having a shower. Its so exhausting cleaning yourself, if you don’t understand you really have no say on how disgusting I am or it is. I’m a little better with cleaning, I clean about twice a week, it would get to a point where I’d start to panic about it.

Growing up having your mum threaten to clean your room if you don’t I get so paranoid. My room will come to a state and I could be doing anything and a trigger would set in and it’s almost like I panic clean. It’s nothing major but knowing that someone is going to come into my space not knowing where everything goes, I go into a head spin.

It’s like you’ve finish a project for school or work that you’ve put all of your time and energy into only to find it destroyed or have gone missing. Your natural instinct is to panic.

That’s how I feel.

Depression is so silent and suffocating one day you seem fine asking yourself ‘is it finally over? am I now free?’ only to find out that night or the next day that it never left it was there waiting fir you to feel vulnerable.

my depression took over me that I had to be put on medication to ease the strangulation, so I can finally take a breath.

Photo is from Pinterest by DeviantArt

My question for you is what do you do on your mental health days?

Shifting

Ok hear me out… SHIFTING!

When you think about it, how mind blowing it is to be in a dream like sate but living in a different reality.

For those who don’t know what Shifting is, let me give you a run down.

So shifting (aka reality shifting) is shifting your consciousness from your current reality (CR) to another reality, typically your desired reality (DR).

This includes lots of practice and patience, as all of your senses including your 5 main ones will be activated in your DR.

Now reading that some of you will think I’m crazy or I’m into some spiritual stuff. Well your not wrong but there’s also a 29 paged document by the United States of America, Department of the Army, proving that shifting realities is real. I have not personally read the document only because I can’t read well but for the logical thinkers out there, that need evidence about it, just search up government document on reality shifting and hopefully you will believe (if not then that’s alright just don’t put others down or make them feel like they shouldn’t be listened to).

I came across desired reality shifting on Tiktok one day, and to be honest I thought it was bullshit too. Until I finally gave in. I saw people talk about what it was like at Hogwarts, Narnia even with the Avengers. They made tiktoks about their conversations and interactions with all the different people. I couldn’t resist. I had to at least try.

With shifting there’s all sorts of methods to use. From a simple meditation to completely relax your body and mind to going to sleep with imagery and the sensation that you are there.

The most common one everyone talks about is the raven method. This method you count to or down from 100 and while you do that you say your affirmations.

Affirmations are basically your motivators. You say these things to yourself, for example:

  1. I am successfully shifting
  2. I have the ability to shift
  3. I give my consciousness permission to shift successfully
  4. I can shift

That’s a very small example but as you repeat these (not I should be shifting, I CAN/AM SHIFT/ING) you will somewhat trick your consciousness into thinking that you have done it before, or it is possible (which it is).

Personally I do my own method, I got a bit from the Julia method. I lay on my back for about 5 minutes as I just let my mind wonder, crack all my knuckles and feel relaxed. After the 5 minutes I have to resist any itchiness, I go over my body starting from my toes telling myself “are my toes relaxed,” when I feel they are I move onto my feet asking the same question. I go all the way up my body right to my forehead and I lay there for another 1-2 minutes. At this point I try and focus my mind and not let it wonder and if it does I slowly change it to where I want to shift to or acknowledge the thought and let it pass. I then proceed to the affirmations, (I say them slowly).

With this, my own method I have felt symptoms.

When I say symptoms I mean twitching, itchiness, a floating or hovering sensation, room spinning or feeling like I am falling. The closest I have gotten was I was floating up and a same likeness feeling of fainting, while my eyes were closed I felt a fuzziness close in and I could see a face only across the eyes so clear. But I suddenly realise what was happening and I stared to have a panic attack so I had to stop.

Shifting can take up from weeks to months, unless you’re lucky and get it on the first couple of tries.

I’ve only been trying for a couple of months now but I have been so close it’s exciting I want to try every night (NOTE: don’t try every night you will only exhaust yourself even more making you less likely to achieve your shifting).

When I do shift best believe you will hear from me the moment I come back to my CR.

Image was found on Pinterest by DeviantArt

My question for you is: have you heard of shifting if so where would you like to shift?

Hair 💇🏼‍♀️

The best feeling is getting your hair done! prove me wrong.

From the wash that you don’t need to do for another 3-4 days, the head massage that you get when they deep condition your hair. To the finish product where you are a new person!

As a male, I presume it would be different. Sort of like a life or death situation you have to look like for at least 2 weeks. Not knowing the end product, I don’t blame you for being nervous or scared to get your hair done.

I got my hair lighter at the bottom, and got the roots of my hair darkened. I’m going for a black to grey/white ombré, and I’ve been wanting to do it for a good couple of years now, and it’s finally happening.

I love the process, but just someone even playing with my hair doing something with it just makes me melt. The feeling is like being so relaxed you feel like you are floating as everything around you goes by so fast. Although it’s never fun paying for it. The end results are worth it though.

Picture was from pinterest by Marianne Taylor

My question today is what hair colour would you love to dye your hair?