The Castles Unspoken Secrets 🏰

I have been on and off writing a story off of a dream I had, and since I have nothing interesting for yoy today, let me give you an insight about the year of the year 1997.

Parents gone, and Aunty isn’t able to keep young Ivory Shaw in London. An emotional journey, starting at new school, making new friends, a possible love interest, with lots of parties to go around and secrets to share. Ivory ends up at a Echo Boarding School where she is yet to find out more about the castle and people. From relations to mythical creatures Ivory learns that there is more unspoken secrets imprinted deep within the castle.

We arrive at the dinning hall, although it isn’t one anymore. The door frame hidden behind layers of golden fabrics of sheer and silk, drooping like a curtain. The marble floor polished so fine you could mistake it for a mirror, as your own reflection stares back. Chairs and tables decorated with white cloth, a centre piece of a golden plate with slight flower indents carved on the edges, a small cup vase sitting on top holding flowers, I’m not sure of what sort but the colours burst of white, pink, soft oranges and red. Heavy fabric hung half way up on the wall to the middle of the roof with a giant chandelier giving the room a mellow glow on the roof.

This whole room looks feels like a fairy tale, all the girls dressed in their best dresses, hair done up to complement the makeup that sat on their delicate faces. The boys in their finest tuxedos or formal uniform. The only thing that’s missing is a prince charming for me.

During the night we all dance to a waltz. Sam, Dawn, Ash and I are having fun as us girls being passed on from boy to boy all in a circle, not knowing who we have next. The music suddenly slows down everything around me followed the slowness almost like everything had stopped in that one moment. My face dropped my heart starting its greatest race as all my senses go stiff to the realisation of who I am standing in front of.

Archer.

A wave of anger and nervousness struck upon me. We stand right in front of each other. Both maintaining angry, cold eye contact. Everyone around us stops, turning their heads as we capture their full attention. whispers flying through the air of who they expect to walk away, we ignore due to the pure hatred we have for each other. All because I am someone who doesn’t belong here. We are both to stubborn to walk away from each other. So Archer takes my hand, the other around my waist, my left hand on his shoulder the right locked onto his unable to let go. We keep the hard cold eye contact as the music and movement speeds up and we danced gracefully. No one would ever thought Archer Lupo would be dancing with someone like me Ivory Shaw.

Our faces closer than ever, our breath combines as one. Our palms touching surely he could feel my pulse, and nervous sweat at this point. I stare into his gleaming gold-coloured eyes getting lost in the thought of falling for his light delicate touch. I wonder what he thinks at this point in time. Pulling me so close our bodies could touch but the inch of material separate us. Is he doing this on purpose? does he know that he has the power to make me feel so vulnerable, I have never in my life wanted to beg for someone to kiss me.

Nothing will stay the same 🍃

See with everything I do I try so hard that I need to be perfect at it. Today I let go of a job, and fun fact I only worked 4 or 5 days. I have to laugh at myself thinking that I could actually do retail part time, like there’s nothing to challenge me creatively. I really tried learning all of their codes and satisfying customers needs. It also drains me to the point where it takes 2 to 3 weeks to recover from.

If you don’t understand what I mean by recover let me give you a tour of my brain and try to relate it to you. First things first what you are dealing with for the day, you may need to pack your lunch, bring books, completed homework that you didn’t do. The list goes on and on, I have to make sure my anxiety is under control, I’m not to panicky to the point where I will have a panic attack at work, I have to make sure I’m not too sad, that I look well enough, that I just didn’t get out of bed 10 minutes before work. As well, my list goes on and on.

During work, you are exhausted from the amount of phone calls, paperwork and up coming appointments. With school you are exhausted from doing all the sports and running around you do, all the teachers you argue about your school work too. My exhaustion is from a days worth of one long anxiety attack and socialising, from the moment I wake up it starts the racing heart beat, the throbbing headache, sweaty palms and feet the shaky hands but worst of all the constant intrusive thoughts. It was even worst during school but that a later story to tell.

The thoughts I speak of consist of

  • Did you walk properly
  • Were your knees straight when you walked
  • Was your posture straight
  • Did you smile
  • Is your breathing even
  • Breath through your nose and close your mouth
  • Why did you say the word like that
  • Stop doing that its weird
  • They’re looking at you in disgust see what you did

Sadly those are the nice ones some are violent and cruel but I can’t stop them. So that is my example of what I mean by I need to recover. As much this is drains me mentally it majorly effects me physically as well.

But nothing will ever be the same, thoughts, people and places they change everyday. My change is going backwards I’m going back to doing babysitting, now that is a job I love and enjoy. I don’t know why I changed actually, but I did. It was probably for the better, just to make me realise how I can’t do a ‘normal’ job, 30 hours a week of constant pain and agony of being apart of retail. Ha, I have more creative things to do such as this blog and learning about the minds of children as I look after them.

I guess my question for you today is what job did you hate doing most, and why? this could also be as simple as house chores or school homework.

Calming day ☁️

Today is a calm day, no blinding bright steaming hot sun out, no where to rush to or stress about. Today is simply cloudy with a light hint of wind. we all have to have our days off and the universe said today is that day.

As well, waking up roughly at 12:56pm in the afternoon has its perks. This doesn’t happen a lot due to my mind constantly creating scenarios that can either be logical or completely unrealistic, I don’t have a clue what is and what isn’t. I’m alway awake at 9am but I make myself sleep for longer.

If only it were raining, possibly a thunderstorm that would make the day ‘perfect’. Of course nothing is perfect, it would simply just be the ideal day for me. Sitting inside with a coffee or hot chocolate, with a side of biscuits maybe even chocolate pieces, and watching a comforting movie.

As you can Tell yes I am a sucker for the cold wet weather. It reminds me of home. Back in New Zealand surrounded by the echoes of the ancient mountains the screams of the wise rivers. I miss it terribly I get so excited even seeing the colour of green in nature. It has been a while, 5 possibly 6 years since I last visited. Well now it’s even harder to visit with the virus.

I’m now in a part of Australia where we are surrounded by red dirt that dye our shoes, clothing even skin. There’s little green here the most you’ll see is at the front lawns of the rich. There’s very few trees, not much shade to hide my pale skin from the boiling sun.

I don’t hate Australia I’ve lived here for 10 years, made many friends, my education improved by A LOT! Like everywhere you’ll live there’s going to be its pros and cons.

I have two questions for you, they’re quite simple. 1- where did you grow up? 2- what is your calm/favourite weather?

Hello 👋🏻

I have decided to create a blog mainly to express me and my writing. This was a in the moment decision to make but it is worth it.

Why do this?

  • Because it gives my messy mind a sigh of relief and help others to feel less alone
  • Because I have a passion in writing especially creative writing
  • Because I have something to do during my days
  • Because I hope to reach out to as many people as possible and make them feel wanted

A little get to know me, I enjoy drawing and also painting (which I’m terrible at). I love Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings and Starwars not that I know much about the laws of them but I know enough to enjoy them. I have a pet cat names Fifi and if you’re into astrology I’m a Pisces.

I am also one to have mental health issues such as C-PTSD also known as complex post traumatic stress disorder, Server Depression, suicidle thoughts, Anxiety and social anxiety. from all of this I don’t sleep and function quite well, but I try my hardest everyday even though it won’t look like it.

I am thinking of posting a few things on mental health from my experience. Possibly a few paragraphs on a story I’m writing on and what’s on my mind. Hope you are ready to experience the mind of a meantaly ill, creative 18 year old.