Mental Health Part 5

Body Image

I always look at the girl in the mirror. I stare for too long that her face is distorted, her body so large on some parts others looks too small. She looks wrong. I rub my eyes only to look back now noticing every flaw she has. One eye is bigger than the other, her forehead is too big, now it’s too small, her calf muscles are bigger than her thighs. I jump on the scales 62.7kg I take a step back. Surely not, I step back on putting the weight on different parts of ky body sucking in my stomach to see 61.9kg… it’s better but it’s not good enough.

Growing up as a female I have found it so difficult to fit the beauty standards that at this point, I’ve just started to make fun of myself just to cope. One moment to look beautiful I need to have curves a big butt, big boobs, and tiny waist and legs. That night it could all change. Now i need to be flat chested, long legs, flat stomach. How am I supposed to love myself, when I’m constantly being watched my not only the media but everyone around me? How am I supposed to look at myself thinking “I am enough.”

It wasn’t until my younger teenage years that I started to look at myself differently. That in order to have friends, to have boys to like you back was to be pretty, was to be what everyone else wants you to be. I was made fun of, touched, and horribly describes all because of my looks. My body.

It hasn’t been till recently where I have felt comfortable within myself, not pressured by the peers at school, not to dress and look a certain way around family. I can finally breath. But All of that truma will forever sick with me, I will always have bad days some worse than others, I will always have the running voices in my head.

I will always seem narcissistic only because I am constantly looking at myself. To see if that distorted girl is looking back. To see if I can finally see who I am without the smudges and blurs. I still don’t know what I look like and maybe I’ll never find out.

I found the image on Pinterest I forgot who by.

My question to you is:

What is your favourite place to shop at? (can be in person or online)

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Snapchat: amazingemma48

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Wattpad: SimplyMessyMind

Email: emma@simplymessymind.com

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